Wednesday, April 30, 2008

No such luck?

I think I jinxed myself with my last post.

Bronchiolitis strikes again! That's the beast that landed David in the hospital last year, as a complication of RSV. We spent this morning at the hospital on base. I think we're going to avoid a hospitalization this time around, but David had to endure, besides a breathing treatment (at which we're pros by now in this family) and the normal poking and prodding, a humiliating and traumatizing chest X-ray. (My new goal in life is go three days in a row without subjecting my child to something deeply traumatizing.) Overall, David was a trooper though!

I think camping is out. And I still haven't decided whether I'm going to Idaho tomorrow or not. We'll have to make sure David is on the up and up.

I leave you in suspense until next time. May my next post include pictures of Mary with her great-grandmother and David in the woods, and not pictures like these (from David's five-day hospitalization last year):



(I realize maybe I shouldn't post pictures of the worst week of David's life. But I think they're proof that my kid is cute in any situation!)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Wish us luck!

This weekend our family needs a little extra luck.

Mary and I are flying to Boise to visit my grandma. While I am very excited to visit family, I am not looking forward to the air travel with a baby. I have done so much traveling with a baby, you would think I wouldn't bat an eye. But this is America. I will be honest. I miss Turkish Airlines! Turks openly adore babies and small children and treat the parents of such like royalty. When one or more of the various things that can go wrong when you fly happens, it's nice to be treated like royalty. This weekend I have expectations of something going wrong (hopefully nothing too drastic!) but no expectations of being treated like royalty. Wish us luck!

Greg is taking David on the church father-son camp out this weekend. Lots of David's friends will be there, and I think he will have a great time. But this is a first for him, and he's not exactly fearless anymore. (I refer you to some previous posts, here and here and here.) Greg promised me he wouldn't let David fall in the campfire. But I am considering taking bets on whether they last the whole night. Wish them luck!

This is also the first time David and I will be separated for more than 24 hours. Like I said, wish us luck!

Postpartum depression

A very good friend of mine recently prompted me to reflect on my experience with postpartum depression and offer up any advice I might have. I am including in this post some of what I shared with her.

But before I go any further, I have two disclaimers to make.

First of all, this is not a "confession." I sense that sometimes people feel emboldened by the Internet--they admit to and discuss things they would not normally do in face-to-face conversation with friends and family. This is not one of those times. This is something I try to be open about, and if we were able to spend some quality time together, I have little doubt that it would come up in conversation.

Secondly, and most important, I am no expert on postpartum depression, nor do I in any way pretend to be. I only know what I experienced, and I share some of it in an effort to raise awareness and deepen understanding. My doctor, in fact, thinks I probably don't have "real" postpartum depression (whatever that is--there's still not on overwhelming consensus on the matter), but, instead, a hormonal imbalance from breastfeeding. But, as she pointed out, the symptoms are the same, and the treatment is the same. So, for ease of discussion, when talking about what I suffered after Mary was born, I use the term "postpartum depression" (or PPD).

Here are some practical things I have learned.


  1. Postpartum depression can happen to anyone after any pregnancy. After my first, David, was born, life certainly had its challenges, its ups and downs, but I did not experience postpartum depression. As a result, I did not expect to suffer from PPD after Mary was born. I ignorantly figured I was someone who did not get PPD. So it was completely unexpected, and Greg and I were totally unprepared when it happened. (It turns out that second-time moms are more likely to develop PPD than first-timers.)

  2. Your husband needs to be prepared ahead of time for the possibility of PPD, and understand that a lot of responsibility will lie with him. He may very well be the one to recognize a problem and get you to admit it. He needs to know before the baby comes that if you develop PPD, your judgment will be clouded, and he may be the one to decide if you need help. Pointed questions like "Are you depressed?" are more helpful than vague ones like "How are you?" Also, saying, "Promise me you will talk to the doctor," or "I will go with you to the doctor, and we will ask her if you need help," are better than "Are you going to talk to the doctor?" or "If you think you need help, then we will get you help." Greg was incredibly supportive, but because we were both caught off guard by my depression, he wasn't aware of how clouded my judgment was. Not wanting to push me, he left me to decide for myself if I needed help. But I couldn't decide if I needed help! I couldn't think straight. The decision became a huge burden, and I was paralyzed. (I was able to lie multiple times to health care professionals about my mental health, as well as listen to a family member share her personal struggles with PPD and not say a word myself about my own troubles.) I needed Greg (or my mom or a close friend or anyone!) to decide for me and take a more active role. (Now we know!)

  3. The longer you wait, the harder it is to ask for help. The first couple weeks after childbirth can be a roller coaster ride while hormone levels readjust (hence, the "baby blues"). But after 2-3 weeks, if you feel depressed, numb, or really irritable, talk to someone right away. Don't wait! I kept setting milestones for myself--I'll feel better by next week, or by Thanksgiving, or by my mom's visit, or by Christmas, etc. But that just made me procrastinate. Don't think you can/should wait it out. After a while, you start to get used to the way you are and think that even though it's bad, it's normal. I knew three weeks after Mary's birth that I had PPD, but I waited nearly three months to seriously talk to my doctor about it! (But it's also nice to know that it's never too late to seek help!)

  4. Beware of good days! I know that sounds weird, but the good days prevented me from admitting that I had a problem. I thought that if I really had PPD that I wouldn't have any good days. But that's not true. I had lots of good days. The good days made it really easy to talk myself out of needing help. You can have good days and still have PPD.

  5. Don't worry if you have the"right" symptoms or not. I certainly had my fair share of crying spells, but really, with me, the main problem was irritability. I also did not have a problem bonding with Mary. Since my symptoms didn't fit 100% with what I thought were the symptoms of PPD, it was easier to talk myself out of needing help. I thought I was just a mean, horrible, impatient person, and that it was all my fault (and that obviously made me feel even worse). Depression can manifest itself in different ways besides being depressed.

  6. Don't fear help. Just talk to your doctor (or your baby's doctor), and you can work through your fears and concerns together. My biggest obstacle was fear of what would happen when I told my doctor. I was wary about what I knew "help" would be--therapy and anti-depressants. Would I be referred to some therapy group down the hall in Life Skills? (In the Air Force, the mental health department is unfortunately called "Life Skills," bringing to mind that class in junior high where you learned to bake banana bread and sew on buttons.) My doctor was reasonable, low-key, and sensitive in her reaction. She recognized that my depression was relatively mild and that I could start with a low-dose anti-depressant without therapy and go from there. (This was a relief. I knew I needed help, but the idea of having to find child care on a regular basis for therapy made me feel stressed and overwhelmed.) I also had reservations about anti-depressants. But I was doing everything I could--my faith in God remained strong, I was exercising regularly, trying to eat right, talking openly with Greg, keeping a journal--and was still feeling desperate, irritable, and miserable. So I talked to my doctor and started taking one. I wondered if the anti-depressant would make me feel numb or give me some sort of false high. That wasn't the case at all! Here's what I have discovered: The anti-depressant does not make me happy; rather, it gives me the ability to choose to be happy. I feel like my free will has been restored! I am in control again.

I realize that for the most part I have dispensed unsolicited advice and shared very few personal details of my own battle. I hope that's okay. While I am open about this, and would gladly enter into a more personal, detailed discussion with anyone (meaning, anyone I care about, i.e. has my email address and is not a retailer or spammer), some things are not meant for the whole blog-reading world to read.


But I will share one moment of this journey. We enjoyed a wonderful, joyful, fun-filled Christmas. (You can watch Greg's video for proof!) At the end of the day, when the kids were asleep, Greg gave me a big hug, and I asked him, "Was today a happy day?" "Yes, Alisa, it was a very happy day." "I thought so, but I just wanted to make sure." We are not going to be happy all the time in life. But I think we should at least be able to recognize happiness when we are experiencing it. I couldn't. That's why I finally got help, and I'm so glad I did.

Monday, April 28, 2008

A farewell to winter, but not to Legos


Phew! I often thought it impossible, but we did it. We survived the winter. How did we do it? Duplo Legos. Building with Legos has been our favorite family activity for the last four months. Mary likes it. David likes it. Mommy likes it. Daddy likes it. And we all really like to do it together. I thank God in my prayers on a regular basis for Legos. Without them, we might not have lived to see the spring. (It was a rough winter.)


David is an imaginative, free spirit builder. But he is also very particular in his requests to us, his parents, about what we should build. His most frequent requests are for trucks, fire engines, ambulances, fire stations, airports, air traffic control towers, towns, and train tracks. (I dread the daily train track request. Have you ever tried to build a train track out of Duplo Legos? It's near impossible. We have miles of wooden Brio train track--and he wants one of out Legos!) My favorite request was for "Evie's house." (David has shortened "Grandma Evie" to "Evie.") He was very particular about Evie's house having two garages. My own personal favorite build was a caravansary. Greg (the engineer) builds lots of cool stuff. And Mary likes whatever David is playing with. (But I will also say that she seems to be a genuine fan of the air traffic control tower--easy to grab and knock over.)


Now that spring is here and we are able to go outside on a fairly regular basis, our Legos aren't the necessity they once were. But we certainly won't be packing them away anytime soon.

To the mad house

Mary, we love you, but you are driving us nuts!!

Mary's very social nature, and, more particularly, her obsession with David, are becoming quite the problem. Mary insists on being either part of a group, or with David, if not both. That means one-on-one parent-daughter time is B-O-R-I-N-G for her. She wants to be with the whole family all the time, or at least hanging out with her very entertaining older brother. If not: whining, moaning, whimpering, groaning. It can go on for hours! How such a delightful, cheerful baby can be so miserable to be with is beyond my abilities to explain. But she is making us crazy! Good thing we love her so much!

Here is Mary doing what she loves best--watching her brother.



Sunday, April 27, 2008

An inevitability

It was inevitable.

David's red wagon . . .
plus the really great hill in our backyard . . .

equals . . .



(Isn't it great to have such a fun dad?)

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Touch a truck

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon." --Napoleon Bonaparte

Greene County sponsored a wonderful, free event at the fairgrounds today called "Touch a Truck." Children were free to touch, climb on, and get inside the dozens of different vehicles lined up in the parking lot. They could even honk their horns! Is that a dream come true, or what?!

Here's the official version of this morning's events:

David was so excited to "touch a truck." He talked non-stop all morning about going to see trucks. When we arrived, he immediately ran off with his dad, leaving Mom and his sister in the dust. It was, indeed, an exciting morning. David's favorite truck was the Bobcat. David left the event with an armful of goodies (crayons, stickers, pencils, a coloring book, frisbee, and chocolate bar). We took these cute pictures of him, as well as some of Mary.





If you were an especially astute observer, prone to critical analysis and questioning the status quo, you might carefully reexamine the pictures and wonder:

  • Knowing of David's obsession with anything on wheels (and knowing that Mary's interests are more or less limited to her pacifer and her toes), why are there more pictures of Mary than David? Wouldn't David's parents know that it would be more important to take pictures of David? And more specifically, when it comes to the Holy Grail of vehicles (the firetruck), why is it Mary, and not David, posed on its bumper?
  • Why would Mary's mom allow all these pictures of Mary to be taken without stopping to fix that darn piece of hair hanging in her face?

After some scrutiny and reevaluation, you might draw the following conclusions:

You might speculate that David was actually scared most of the time and refused to come close enough to the trucks to have his picture taken. In an effort to convince David that it was safe and fun to touch the trucks, his parents hurriedly posed Mary on a number of them. That would explain the bad hair--the pictures weren't about Mary, they were really just an effort to get more pictures of David. You might then dismiss the two cute pictures of David as the result of good luck in one case and the overwhelming allure of a Bobcat in the other. You could substantiate your claim by pointing to the weekend before, when David was traumatized by a loud security alarm (and truck horns are loud too). You could point to historical trends in this family--just a generation earlier, David's grandparents traumatized his uncle Daniel by taking him on Star Tours when he was only two. Daniel remained scared of everything for years afterwards. Traumatize a two-year-old once, and everything suddenly becomes traumatizing.

But that would all be mere speculation. I'm sticking to the official version.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Musical compromise

I don't know about you, but I can't listen to "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" all day. And so far I haven't been able to interest David much in Radiohead or The New Pornographers. But we've been able to find some compromises. The soundtrack to Juno is our new favorite CD. (Yes, I'm old-fashioned and still buy CDs. I think the most musically technologically advanced thing I've done in the past year is ask Greg to download for me the new Radiohead album. We chose to pay 5 English pounds for it, in case you were wondering.) I recently weaned David off "Millennium: '80's New Wave Party," from which his favorites include "Our House" by Madness, Toni Basil's "Mickey," and the oh-so-frequently requested "Doot-doot song" (aka known as "Take On Me"). What I'd really like to listen to in the car is NPR news, but David insists on "fong, Mom, fong" ("fong" = "songs"). Like I said, our latest compromise is the Juno soundtrack. His favorite (and probably mine too) is "All I Want Is You," which he calls the bee song. We like to sing this song together on his way to school. (For some reason, I am allowed to sing too. Usually when I try to sing along to anything, I am reprimanded with a stern, "Stop, Mom, stop!") I am very pleased with our latest compromise, although I will admit it's a little weird hearing your two-year-old sing "I am a vampire, I am a vampire, I have lost my fangs" (see track #18), but it sure beats "John Jacob." I think some of my happiest memories from this spring will be the drives to school happily singing with David, "If I was a flower growing wild and free, All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee."

Mary facts


A record for myself, and for the day I put Mary's baby book together.

  1. Mary is six months old.
  2. Mary weighs 15 lbs. and measures almost 25 inches tall.
  3. Mary weighed 7 lbs. 15 1/2 oz. and measured 21 inches when she was born.
  4. Mary was born 10 days late.
  5. Mary's middle name is Christine; she is named after Christine de Pisan.
  6. Mary is a super-spitty baby, in a great tradition of super spitty Hyer babies.
  7. Mary smiled early: Her grammie thinks she may have seen a real smile at one week, and I know I saw one at two weeks. There is no doubt she was smiling regularly by 4 weeks.
  8. Mary is frequently called a doll baby in public.
  9. Mary had occasional colicky crying spells during the first few months, but she has always had a cheerful disposition.
  10. For the first three months of life, Mary insisted on being held all day, often during naps too. She loved the sling!
  11. Mary likes to be naked. When she was about four months old, if she was fussy, all I had to do was take off her pants.
  12. Mary enjoys sucking her toes and blowing raspberries.
  13. Mary rolled over front to back at 3 months, but not back to front for another month or two.
  14. Mary could sit up at 5 months, and she was scooting by 5 1/2 months. She's been up on her knees a lot lately, so I think she'll be crawling soon.
  15. Mary has a really cute high-pitched squeal. She did it a lot around 2-3 months of age.
  16. Mary slept in our room at night until she was 5 1/2 months old.
  17. Until recently, Mary took most of her naps in her car seat.
  18. Mary is clearly bored when David is not around.
  19. Mary's first trip was to Aunt Keeta and Uncle Mike's house in Virginia for Thanksgiving. She was 5 weeks old. She has visited the National Mall in Washington D.C.
  20. Mary's first airplane ride was just after Christmas. We went to Dallas to visit family.
  21. Mary really likes her pacifier.
  22. Mary is not much interested in or soothed by music (except for the "Snuggle Puppy" song).
  23. Mary really likes playing with Duplo Legos.
  24. Mary sleeps in her crib on her contoured changing pad, wrapped tightly in a cigar roll. This has miraculously reduced her frequent nighttime wakings to one (which I can handle).
  25. Mary has started taking baths in the big bathtub with her brother.
  26. Mary makes people really happy.
  27. Mary has high maintenance hair--shampoo, conditioner, blow dry, detangler, spray bottle, ponytails, bows, real hair brush, the works!
  28. Mary started grabbing things when she was 2 months old. The first thing she ever grabbed was this dumb Ratatouille rat that my brother Dave (thoughtfully?) gave my mom for Christmas.
  29. Mary is the first girl born on my side of the family since me!
  30. Mary is social.
  31. Mary concentrates on the task at hand and does not give up easily.
  32. Mary is very ticklish, especially in the ribs.
  33. Right now Mary likes to kick things.
  34. Mary is a fast nurser.
  35. Mary loves to have her hair washed and blowed dry; thankfully, she is very patient about it.
  36. Mary has been in a swimming pool twice, and she hated it both times.
  37. Mary likes to feel the wind in her face.
  38. Mary seems innocent and wise at the same time.
  39. Mary, at one week short of six months, devoured baby cereal with gusto for three days, and now she hates it.
  40. Mary loves being part of our family. And we love that she is part of our family.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Temple, scary in there

After my effort to explain how a weekend trip to Cleveland is part of a grand ancient spiritual tradition (really!), let me tell you what actually happened when we visited the Kirtland Temple.

Greg and I knew that we could only "get so much mileage" out of David, so we thoughtfully decided how to use it. Greg and I had been to Kirtland before, and we thought the temple should be our priority. The Community of Christ (formerly the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) had a small, unassuming visitor's center, a very short obligatory video, and a low-key tour. We figured that wouldn't be too demanding for our two-and-a half-year-old. Any leftover "mileage" we would use walking around the Historic Kirtland Village and possibly convincing a nice sister missionary or two to give us a very abbreviated tour. And if things went smoothly maybe we could even drive by the John Johnson farm (which was the highlight of our trip before).

Due to ignorance on our part (and our inability to see into the future), we were not able to take the follows factors into account when we made our calculations on how to use David's mileage:

  • The Community of Christ recently opened up a big, new visitor's center (which had an eery resemblence to an LDS visitor's center). Things aren't as "low-key" as they once were.
  • The first tour did not begin until 10:30. Having arrived promptly at 10, we had 30 minutes to kill (er, enjoy) in the visitor's center. While it's true that it was big and new and about as hands-on as something like that can be (including a dress-up box and touch screen computers), it held David's attention, for, oh, about 3 minutes. While there was some interesting information in the visitor's center, especially about the beliefs and self-perceptions of the Community of Christ, let's just say is was a very long 27 minutes.
  • The very short introductory video is now a very long 30 minute film. Again, it was interesting, especially to see the historical context of the beginnings of the "LDS tradition churches." But, considering it had no live action and the most exciting image was of a rusted plough, it too held David's attention for about 3 minutes. That led to another very long 27 minutes.
  • David's mileage completely ran out at 10:45, about 45 minutes sooner than expected. (This was half way through the film.)
  • John, our tour guide, who was so nice and earnest, started the tour with a 20 minute explanation of how the temple was built. At least it wasn't 27 minutes.
  • By the time we were outside, walking on the path that would take us to the doors of the temple and ultimately inside, David was deep in the negative mileage zone.

Now I must pause to tell you that we were so excited to take David to visit a temple. David has been interested in temples lately, having seen images of the Oakland California Temple in our house. (We explained to David that the temple is where Mommy and Daddy got married. At first he understood a temple to be "where Mommy and Daddy got Mary.") We have taught him that temples are Jesus' special house, even more special than a church, and that it's a place where we learn about Jesus and a place that makes us feel happy. We told him we were going to a temple where we knew Jesus had visited. Greg and I were feeling very good about ourselves as parents in trying use this trip as an opportunity to teach David the gospel. With that in mind, let me tell you the last thing we were not able to foresee when we made our plans:

  • The grounds crew had forgetten to disable the security alarm that morning. So when nice, earnest John opened the doors to take us in the temple...

Our pilgrimage to Kirtland culminated with our screaming, traumatized two-year-old's sprinting towards the car like a bat out of hell (I like that cliche here, you know, the irony of the temple and all). Poor kid. His big chance to go to Jesus' special house, and he has the living daylights scared out of him. We forced our hysterical child to pose for a picture, and that was that.

And what does David have to say about the temple? As we've heard repeatedly from him since that fateful day, "Temple, scary in there!" Oh well.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lookalike baby

Since Mary was born, she has at various times, thanks to her hair, had stunning (or just vague) resemblences to the following people:
  • Ted Koppel
  • Winona Ryder (circa Reality Bites)
  • Jon Bon Jovi
  • Carol Brady
  • Peter Brady
  • Don King
  • Chrissie Hynde
  • Elvis Presley (circa 1956)
  • Elvis Presley (circa 1973)
  • Princess Leah
  • Benjamin Franklin
  • Ralph Macchio

[I know you all expect pictures to prove it, but you'll just have to trust me. The camera doesn't do justice.]

Monday, April 21, 2008

Growing pains, mine

This afternoon at the park, when it was time to go, I found David off by himself. He surprised me by not insisting that we stay longer. I noticed he had a smudge of dirt on his face, and his back was covered with wood chips. I asked him if he had fallen down. He didn't say anything, but he nodded, his lip quivered, and he reached out for a hug. David was going to cry, and it wasn't because of a broken bone or a sprained ankle--he was embarrassed. And it broke my heart.

He's gone. He slipped away without my realizing it. My uninhibited, courageous, outgoing, overconfident baby boy. Somehow with the busyness of a new baby and the drudgery of a long winter, I didn't notice that my first baby grew up. The greatest change may be David's new self-awareness, which brings awkwardness, embarrassment, and more profound disappointments. It is painful to see the disappointment on his face when he realizes that I don't understand what he is telling me. Or the awkwardness he feels with a group of older boys. Or the tears of embarrassment after a fall at the park.

This is harder on me than him, of course. I think I really,truly believed that he was always going to be that totally confident, completely unstoppable, fun-loving little daredevil. For the record, my mom tried to warn me--our temperaments and personalities as babies are not necessarily our temperaments and personalities as we grow and mature. But I thought it impossible that David would ever be anything other than a happy, self-assured free spirit. I think I believed him to be eternally immune to any real sadness, disappointment, and, in particular, wretched social awkwardness.

How can I bear it? How can I bear it? I ask this earnestly. This is only the beginning. His vulnerability is just barely emerging. Years and years of mistakes and disappointments and hurts await him. I want to protect him from them all. Shield him from everything wrong in the world.

I know, I know. We grow through our experiences. We learn and mature, and we have to be self-aware to do that. We have to taste the bitter to enjoy the sweet. I know all that. And I wouldn't ever want to deny David those opportunities for growth and deeper fulfillment.

But tonight I'm going to lay down next to my child, who is no longer a baby, and look at his peaceful face, and stroke his hair. And cry. And hope. And pray. And, just for a few minutes, pretend that he won't ever fall down again.

Of pilgrimages

This will be an attempt to articulate some rather disjointed, nonetheless related, thoughts I have had floating around in my head for the past four or five years.

In the summer of 2004 Greg and I drove north from Dover, Delaware through Pennsylvania and into upstate New York. Our destination was the little town of Palmyra, where 174 years earlier God the Father and Jesus Christ had appeared to the 14-year-old Joseph Smith. Our purpose was to see Greg's brother and sister perform in the enormous Hill Cumorah Pageant, a celebration of that event and the truths that were ultimately restored because of it. It became a rich and profound experience for me. But what made our trip particularly meaningful was that I happened to be reading The Book of Margery Kempe at the time.

I had never been to Palmyra before, and I would finally be able to check that Church History Site box, along with the already-checked boxes of Nauvoo and Kirtland. In the weeks before our trip I mused that we were participating in the funny little Mormon tradition of going to great lengths to visit places where significant religious events took place. As if it were some quaint, somewhat artificialpractice. And as if it were an exclusively Mormon activity! Dear Margery opened my eyes. That summer I was hard at work on my master's degree, and I was taking a Medieval and Renaissance Autobiography class. The Book of Margery Kempe is one of the first (if not the first) autobiographies in English, so, not surprisingly, it was on the reading list.

With a little help from B. A. Windeatt and the introduction to his translation, as well as trusty Wikipedia, to refresh my memory, here's a little background on Margery. Born in 1373, she saw a vision of Christ during an illness after her first childbirth, felt herself called to a spiritual life, but was distracted by two business ventures (both of which failed), and giving birth to fourteen children. Finally, at the age of 40, she convinced her husband to join her in a mutual vow of chastity, and she set out on multiple journeys to holy sites around Europe and beyond, including sites in Rome, Spain, Jerusalem, and Norway, just to name a few. She sought out the religious figures of her day, conversing with the great, the humble, the recluses, and the mystics. Margery was controversial-she claimed to be conversing with Christ on a regular basis, and she expressed her devotion with weeping and loud emotional outbursts. She was nearly burned as a heretic several times! Towards the end of her life, she employed two different scribes (Margery herself was probably illiterate) and methodically dictated an account of her travels and visions. Her life is a lively mix of the ordinary and remarkable, the homely and miraculous.

Margery's book focuses primarily on her pilgrimages. There were ceaseless hardships and challenges. Remember, this was the Middle Ages--travel was slow, difficult, and uncomfortable, to say the least. She often had to beg for food and had no place to sleep. But she was not alone. She records the camaraderie (and tensions) that developed among her fellow pilgrims. This is what struck me--the apparent steady stream of pilgrims to these sites, all the way to the Holy Land even, despite the difficulty. (How many times had I read The Canterbury Tales? You would think I would not have been surprised by the idea of medieval pilgrimages.)

My first inclination was to take a condescending, somewhat amused, attitude towards Margery and her pilgrimages. Why all the trouble and hardship and sacrifice just to visit an unremarkable plot of land? But then it dawned on me: I was about to embark on a pilgrimage of my own. Not to Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, but to Palmyra, New York. The connection in my mind of Margery's pilgrimages and my trip to Palmyra illuminated them both. I could understand Margery, and, having already participated in my own religious pilgrimages (to Nauvoo and Kirtland and Temple Square), I found that I could relate to this medieval woman in a special way that other readers might not. Even more important, I saw my trip to Palmyra in a new light. While the desire to visit the Sacred Grove in Palmyra might be uniquely Mormon, the desire to journey to holy places certainly is not.

That weekend, as I watched the Pageant, climbed to the top of the Hill Cumorah, toured the Grandin Printing Shop, trudged over train tracks and through thick brush to find the banks of the Susquehanna River, enjoyed camaraderie with family, and felt a sense of fellowship with other "pilgrims," I experienced a connection to Margery. Though distanced by culture, religion, an ocean, and six hundred years, our similar act of pilgrimage united us. We both sought to show our devotion to God, to remember Him, and seek Him by standing in a place that had been touched by His hand.

I think it is fair to say that we as Latter-day Saints visit our church history sites, among other reasons, to reaffirm our faith that Christ's true church has been restored to the earth. Even more than confirming to me the "rightness" of my church, though, this particular trip connected me to a larger Christian community, stretching back through time and around the world. I felt a bond reaching back to Margery Kempe and her fellow medieval pilgrims, a bond that stretched to the old women on their way to Higuey in the Dominican Republic, to my best friend Deanna who bravely negotiated Rome jet lagged and alone and traveled to the Vatican by herself, to the humble Catholics climbing the Santa Scala on their knees, to the bus loads of modern Christians visiting the Holy Land.

The fellowship I felt with Christian pilgrims throughout time and place increased during our travels while we lived in Turkey. We visited Antioch, where the early Apostles preached the gospel, and where, in 1963, the Pope decreed that you get a plenary indulgence for visiting the church there. (I was so pleased that we earned a plenary indulgence--too bad we're not Catholic!) We drank from Paul's well in Tarsus, and made the challenging journey to Patmos, where John received his grand revelation. During our trip to Rome, we spent the early morning hours, when the sun was barely up and the roads still quiet, visiting some of the many religious sites. After a mistaken detour to the Syrian border, we visited Harran, the place where God appeared to Abraham. We sought out what arguably was the tomb of Joseph of Egypt in the Valley of the Tombs. We walked in Paul's footsteps in Cyprus and Ephesus, and drove to the house where Mary passed her final years. My memories of Palmyra, as well as Kirtland, Nauvoo, and Salt Lake too, took on even deeper meaning with each Biblical pilgrimage.

The bond I feel to religious pilgrims reaches beyond Christians. In Sanliurfa, the birthplace of Abraham according to Islamic tradition, we were surrounded by crowds of Muslim pilgrims exiting buses just over the border from Iran and families of Turkish Muslims eager to feed the sacred fish there. In the international terminal of the Istanbul airport, where we have spent some quality time, we frequently encountered groups en route to or from Mecca, fulfilling their sacred duty to perform the Hajj, the largest annual pilgrimage in the world. I remember once flying home to Adana, where we shared the plane with a small group returning from Mecca. (They could be identified because of the special way the men were dressed. They also had small Turkish flags affixed to their clothing, indicating to their fellow pilgrims from which country they had traveled.) There was an unmistakable reverence surrounding them.

Though I am no expert on religious studies, I assume that the performance of pilgrimages reaches well beyond the Christian and Islamic faiths. Throughout time and all over the world, people have journeyed to sacred sites, as an act of devotion and remembrance, as a way to reaffirm their faith, connect to traditions, seek the miraculous, and find the hand of God. Are my visits to church history sites really that different?

I like to view my Mormon pilgrimages in this greater context. When I visit early church history sites, my Mormon beliefs are reconfirmed: I am touched by the Spirit, I feel closer to the Savior, my understanding of God deepens, and my testimony of the restoration of the gospel is strengthened. But I also feel connected to a much larger family of human faith, to an ancient and worldwide tradition of belief in God.

Our family has come full circle, geographically speaking, in its pilgrimages. Greg and I visited Kirtland, Ohio the first summer we were married, and a couple years later we made that trip to Palmyra. We stood where Jesus Christ has appeared in modern times, and walked where the first prophet in modern times, Joseph Smith, worked, walked, and taught. Then we moved to Turkey and stood where God appeared in ancient times and where His prophets and apostles of old lived and preached. Now we are back in Ohio, and last weekend we took a trip to Kirtland, a place of great importance historically and religiously to Latter-day Saints. I would like to view our little pilgrimage (complete with a stay at the Holiday Inn and a trip to the zoo) as one in the greater tradition of pilgrimages by people of faith. What does a Mormon family stuffed in a Subaru heading north on I-71 have in common with a middle-aged medieval woman aboard on a boat sailing to the Holy Land? A lot.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Happy anniversary to us...ALL!

Our wedding anniversary was Friday. While Greg and I could have enjoyed a nice evening out together (maybe...), we decided to keep with the tradition of bringing David along for our anniversary festivities. (Last year we were between babysitters, and David came to dinner with us. That was, er, special. And the year before that, David accompanied us on our "romantic" weekend getaway to Istanbul.) So this year we celebrated our six years of marriage with a romantic trip to...Cleveland...with, as usual, David. (We brought Mary too. I guess she's part of the tradition now as well.) Although we hope to one day enjoy an anniversary sans kiddos, we figure, for now, why not bring the whole family? Our marriage was the very beginning of our family anyway.

Here are a few highlights of the family anniversary trip.

Swimming at the Holiday Inn:
Classic family vacation activity!

A visit to the Kirtland Temple:
(Yes, David is crying in the picture. More on that later.)

Touring Historic Kirtland:
(Actually, this is David giving a tour of the saw mill. Greg explained it to him, and David proceeded to tell us all about it, as if he'd always known. Very cute.)

Nothing like a visit to the zoo to top off a romantic weekend!

Entropy

Last Thursday night (gorgeous weather!), this--
and this--

quickly turned into this--

and this--

which then deteriorated into something we don't have pictures of.


(But it was a very lovely evening together overall.)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Six things

Today Mary is six months old. To mark the occasion, here are six things we love about Mary.
  1. Her cheerful disposition.
  2. Her tenacity.
  3. Her affection for loved ones.
  4. Those high-pitched squeals of delight.
  5. The twinkle in her eyes, eyes that are also so wise.
  6. Her hair!


Don't blame David


Mary, it was your DAD.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

President, David Austen Fan Club

Mary is David's #1 fan. She is mesmerized by and obsessed with him; consequently, she is bored and grumpy when he's not around.

Most days I am able to get them both down for a nap at the same time (phew!), but Mary inevitably wakes up first and wonders where her brother is. She is reluctant to play by herself. Instead, she wants to be carried around the house, searching for the object of her affection. She whimpers, whines, cries, and squawks until David emerges from his room. Then she's happy again.

Sunday evening Greg took David with him to go visit with a family from church. I was hoping for some quiet time at home. But Mary whined and cried for an hour and a half until David walked back through the door. Then her face lit up, and she transformed into her cheerful self.

When I take David to speech therapy, I watch his sessions through the mirrored window in the observation room. I do this partly to observe David's progress, but also for Mary's benefit. She becomes anxious when her brother is out of sight, and once she spots him through the window, she follows his every move.

Having such an ardent admirer has its benefits for David. She is always readily (and happily) available to be poked, hugged, dragged, rolled, and covered with a blanket. Just recently Mary has begun to join David in the tub. This is a dream come true for Mary, whose favorite past time since age 1 month has been watching her brother in the bath. Never have I seen more delight than on the day Mary first joined him in the bath. But it's also a happy time for David, who doesn't miss a chance to pour water on his baby sister, put soap in her hair, or smother her with a washcloth. (The double bath is definitely a two parent job--it's an intense three minutes while they're in there together!)

Mary's infatuation isn't all fun for David though. Just as the paparazzi is a bit of an intrusion and annoyance in the life of a celebrity, so Mary is in the life of David. There she is, watching his every move. But even worse, there she is, trying to participate in his every move! Mary may be David's #1 fan, but she's also already the quintessential annoying little sister who wants to do everything her big brother does.

Mary uses her new found mobility to get what she wants. If David is looking at a book, then Mary scoots over to look at the book too. If David just built a truck out of legos, then Mary wants to play with that truck. (Something Mom built with legos just won't do--unless, of course David chooses to play with it, then it's exactly what she wants). If David and Dad are building a train track, then Mary wants in on the action. Mary is too determined to be sidetracked by Mom and Dad's clever distractions. Big box of toys? Tickle-fest with Dad? Snack time with Mom? Nothing compares to hanging out with David. Needless to say, we hear a lot of "No, Mar! No, Mar!"s around here.

I hope that the intensity of Mary's obsession will wane a bit. (She was kind of a pain at church. Keeping David quiet and occupied is hard enough without a baby sister trying to snatch his toys and slobber on his stickers.) But I expect that what is emerging is a new family dynamic. David might as well get used to having his #1 fan at his heels.

What you've all been waiting for...

This is what you have all been waiting for, whether you knew it or not! While we were in Texas for spring break, Greg's mom arranged for Wendolin Mercado to photograph David and Mary. I left her studio with a new depth of appreciation for my children; Wendolin captured their individuality and charm. I am grateful to Wendolin for reminding me of how beautiful my children are, on the inside and out. And thank you to Grammie for making it possible!

I am posting a sample of the pictures Wendolin took. Here are several pictures of David and Mary together, and I have already posted some solos of Mary and David. So scroll away! (And, Dad, you'll need to lose the Blackberry and find a computer screen for these posts.)






Wendolin's magic--Mary Christine









Wendolin's magic--David Austen










Monday, April 14, 2008

Lemon Lover and Ninja Baby

Two pictures I took yesterday...


David loves lemons! We discovered this last summer in Turkey while we were waiting for our food at a restaurant in Cappadocia. We were all starving, David most of all, and when they brought out the shepherd's salad, David scarfed down a lemon wedge (rind and all) before we could stop him. He immediately went for another! Ever since then he's insisted on his fair share of the lemon wedges while dining out. Yesterday he helped me make chicken salad, and he couldn't wait until we were finished so he could lick the lemons. Yum?

When we took off Mary's skirt, she turned into...Ninja Baby! At least according to Greg. Greg thinks she looks like a ninja here, all dressed in black with her hands up ready to karate chop you. (Just try to ignore the fact that her hands are actually in her mouth.) I was a little less imaginative than Greg. But who am I to deny him the joy of having a little girl who moonlights as Ninja Baby?